Podcast Ep. 2: Shame
Invest In Your Life Podcast
Episode 2: Shame
Is there a part of your financial life that you're ashamed of? Is there a money issue that you have that you'd be embarrassed to tell? Whether it's overwhelming debt or enabling children, shame around money is way more common than you'd think.
In today's episode, I get money shame out into the light. A good clue you have some? Those inner voices that say, "I should..."
Full Episode Transcription:
00:00 Okay, welcome to the Invest In Your Life Podcast, the show where we explore the connection between personal growth and personal finance. My name is Patrick King, and in each episode, we'll talk about what you can do to live a life that’s truly rich. Don't take this the wrong way, but I am not giving you advice. I only give advice to clients who have hired me to be their fiduciary financial advisor. If you're not one of those folks, then just consider this to be helpful tips and information and be sure to consult with your financial advisor, your attorney, your CPA, your witch doctor or your mom before you try this at home.
01:02 Okay folks, thanks for tuning in to episode two of the Invest In Your Life Podcast. A got a good topic for you today. Shame. Shame. I need one of those bells. So, if you're a game of Thrones fan, you probably know what I'm talking about with the shame, shame. I see it a lot. People just throw themselves on the walk of shame around money all the time. And so that's the topic today. So, uh, we'll get into that in a bit. But first let's, let's have a little gratitude.
01:44 So my gratitude today, something I'm grateful for is this thing called the chronometer app. I'm doing this nutritional testing and I'm tracking my nutrition for five straight days. And I'm using this a chronometer app that my buddy John, who's an outstanding integrative medicine expert who I'm working with him on this and he recommended this chronometer app and it's not really aptly named because chronometer is something you measure time with. So I don't know where they got the name from, but the app is pretty dang cool. And you know, I can scan the package of prosciutto. If I eat like a slice of Prosciutto, I need to track it to scan the barcode and it pops up. It tells me how many calories and macronutrients, all that stuff. Like what a crazy day and age we live in, you know? Um, Jeez. I mean, I just remember growing up, if you found prosciutto at the grocery store, I didn't even know prosciutto existed when I was growing up.
02:57 Oh Man. But yeah, I mean just the stuff that we have at our fingertips these days, it's just ridiculous. So just grateful for that. And that's gratitude. So let's move on. So topic, does your shame around money? So when it comes to your money situation, like what, what are you ashamed to talk about? Like what are you ashamed to tell people? Do you have, do you have a lot of debt? Are you underwater on a car loan or something like that? Or do you have giant student loan hanging out there? Do you, do you make them a bunch of money and don't have any of it saved? There's, there's a lot of stuff out there that people are afraid to talk about. You know, money's just money. It's just a number. It's just a number. It really is kind of like the last taboo that we have here in America because people will tell you all kind of the crazy sex shit that they do on the weekends, but they don't want to tell you how much they make and a weekend at least that's Atlanta, you know, I don’t know maybe in were you more reserved about how they get freaky but uh, but yeah, but here, you know, oh my gosh.
04:22 You hear it all except for, except for the money part. So, and I have to say that it's the number one thing that I hear from people when I sit down with someone who is interested in becoming a client or a new client. It's, I mean, usually in the first meeting and more likely than not, it's in the first 15 to 30 minutes of, of me actually looking at the numbers, the phrase I should probably have more or I know I should have done more with what I've, what I've got or I should have saved more. I should've done this. I should've done that. That comes up. I guarantee you it comes up like 90% of the time. And uh, so yeah, so eve, and this is even for people who actually have done a great job on saving, I don't know who we compare ourselves to like this imaginary idea of where we need to be at certain ages or certain stages of life, but everyone's got it.
05:25 Even people that have a bunch of money. So it's kind of crazy. And I said, I just want to put it out there. So think about like what, like my question to you think about this. What is the thing that if someone knew about your financial situation, you would be ashamed? What is it? Just think about it. And if you're brave, hit me up. I'd like to kind of hear what it is. Like I don't, I won't necessarily put it, put it on here unless I have your permission, but I mean, I'm to see what is it that's bothering you? What, what are you ashamed about in your financial situation? Uh, shoot me an email, uh, Patrick at invest in your life, podcast.com or visit the website of us. Are Your Pot, invest in your life, podcast.com and get in touch with me there. So, uh, very curious about what you are ashamed of in your financial life.
06:21 It makes you do silly things, you know, makes you lie about stuff at cocktail parties. Um, yeah, makes you exaggerate. Um, yeah. Yeah, it's a bunch of shame out there unnecessarily. So anyway, that's the topic. Does Yours, I'm curious what you think about of it or think of it about Bob. I just lost with command of the English language there. So, alright, now it's time for ordering off the menu. Um, again, I'm just making these sections up. If they're stupid. I Dunno, I kind of feel like they're stupid, but the crack me up a little bit. Um, of course the idea of a podcast, it's just silly. It's just silly. So, uh, let me know what you think of these and if you've got any suggestions, I'm open to that. But ordering off the menu, this episode. Relationships. Yeah. Yeah. I just talked about how people tell me that have, are open with me.
07:22 I don't know. People just tell me stuff. I think I'm just one of those people that, I mean, they'll just start unloading stuff on me. But, uh, but yeah, here in Atlanta, like I've met and I know several people who, who order off the menu with their relationships and it doesn't necessarily mean I certainly know people, but you know, there are people here who I know who have open relationships and they navigate all of that and it's, it works for them. Um, so they're absolutely not taking, you know, the standard relationship and, and running with it. But, uh, but yeah, but I've also known people where it's a little bit more subtle and just talking through the possibilities was kind of eye opening. There's one client in particular that I worked with in the past that, um, he was, it was, uh, it was after he was divorced, he had been seeing a woman for, for quite some time and they were dating and he was considering the whole marriage thing.
08:22 And, and he asked me, he's like, well, how do people blend their finances? And I said, well, you know, do you, do you have to blend them? And, and just asking that question I think blew his mind. I think he didn't know it was on the table that you could be married to someone and have separate finances. In fact, it's kind of freaky, like a bunch of a bunch of lawyers do this. So if like two attorneys are like married, I've always seen that they had separate finances. It's kind of funny. Um, but yeah, that's always on the table. It's always on the table. You know, he had kids from her first marriage and so he wanted to protect assets and there are certainly ways that you can do that with your estate planning stuff. But, but yeah, don't be afraid to ask what's possible.
09:07 You might be surprised. So, you know, personally, um, like I really love the relationship that I'm in right now. Um, you know, in the past I just like the rest of us, you know, I had some work to do in my, or my relationships and know I did that, you know, I was married before and it just didn't go very well, let's just say. And a lot of the, and a lot of the responsibility was my own, right. So, so, uh, so I worked on that, but, but, um, when I had gone through that and I met my girlfriend right now who's, who's absolutely amazing, when we started dating, you know, I started out, and this is something that I got from, um, uh, you know, some friends referred, uh, a book called crazy good by a gentleman named Steve Chandler. And there's an episode or as a chapter in there called, um, agreements over expectations.
10:00 And, and I started incorporating those into relationships. So when I met, uh, my girlfriend that I'm dating now, when it started looking like it, things were going to go well, I said, hey, look, let's make some agreements. You know, let's agree that, you know, we can be exclusive. Let's agree that we can, if we're going to end, let's end well. And, uh, and we kind of started from there. And so we've created agreements along the way and I'm one of them that we would, we would agree to honor each other. Uh, so, you know, we kind of started there and went, went from there. And I think it's just, uh, it's, it's kind of empowering and in, and it just makes you, I think makes you trust the other person that much more so. So, uh, so that's on the menu too. Um, and then of course, you know, there's going to be mistakes along the way.
10:51 You know, relationships are like hurt generating machines. So always assume good intent with your partner. And if you've got a reason to like to think that your partner does not have good intent, time to drop that person, like a bad habit, drop it like it's hot, man. Get out of there. Um, so, but always assume good intent if you're dealing with a reasonable person, it takes some work to maintain it. One thing that I'm, and I'm, I'll bring this ups certainly I want to, there's one thing I want to do is create a course about talking to your significant other about money. Uh, but, but one technique called nonviolent communication always comes in handy for me about how to phrase, um, what's going on with you. In a way that it's an integrity with what's going on inside you, but without being offensive or confronting to the other person that you want to actually be nice to you. Um, but yeah, but yeah, there's plenty of ways that you can order off the menu in relationships. Just like Burger King. Have it your way.
11:53 Alright. It's time for Q and. A and A. Yes, this is a, of course, an early episode too, so nothing quite yet. So hit me up. Go to invest in your life, podcast.com or email me at Patrick at invest in your life, podcast.com with your questions. And then, uh, you know, if you've got a question, it doesn't have to be money related, it doesn't have to relationship related. Just curious to see what, uh, what's going on with you and uh, and if you yeah, if you just drop kind of like what is an interesting money shame idea. Didn't have to be you. It could be a friend of yours, but uh, but yeah, drop that. I'm curious to kind of see what's going on with you.
12:40 All right. So, uh, my next little thing here is a, our suction is Pura Vida, man. I'm just, can you tell him to literally reading this off of like my Evernote? You know, this is, this is, this is actually fun though. Like, um, I could feel like I'm in a Shitty podcast are right now because this is just starting out. But this, this is kinda fun. Um, all right, so Pura Vida. So, uh, here, the things that I'm doing to create the life I want a, and it may be just something fun and it may be something that requires a little effort and this is filed under the requires a little effort category. So again, I mentioned in episode one that I'm on this kind of weight loss, a kick here after not being on that kick all of last fall and over the holidays and into January a little bit.
13:35 Um, but yeah, as part of that, I'm doing this, uh, nutritional testing with my, uh, my buddy John and, uh, I, I would like to have him as an interview on the podcast at some point, but I'm doing something called the ALISA/ACT test. It's going to be a food sensitivity test and, um, and there's another one – Nutra-Eval I think. And so I'm super curious to see what the results of these things come back at. They took about a liter and a half a blood out of me. Like I still have, you know, you get like the bruises on your kind of uh, uh, inside your l like your arms where they stick the needle in. Man, they, they really kind of drained me a little bit, but, but I'm super curious about that and almost passed out by the way, almost passed out in the any lab test now facility.
14:22 But the good thing is there was a Cami Cakes like right underneath it that I could have gone to if I really needed it, but I wasn't going to do then I'm going to be good. Uh, so yeah, so it's interesting. And I, and I'll, I'll let you know what those results are when I get him back. I'm very, very curious to see what I'm sensitive too as far as the foods that cause inflammation and in my body. So I hope it's not coffee and including the creamer. Like I do like the heavy cream and no sugar coffee. And if I give that up, I just don't know what I'm going to do. But that's what's up.
15:02 All right. That's it for today. Thank you for listening. I hope you got something out of it. If you have any shame around money, um, just know that you're not alone. Everybody out there has got it. Even if you’re super wealthy, people have shame around money and it may manifest itself in different ways around how they feel like they can or can't act or the ways they may or may not enable children. But everyone's got some sort of weird shame around money. It's really strange. So I just wanted to put the light on it and put it out there. So let me know what you thought about the episode. Hit me up, Patrick, at invest in your life, podcast.com visit the website, invest in your life, podcast.com and thanks for listening. Until next time, cheers. Thank you for joining me today. To find out more and get access to my free financial resources visit, invest in your life, podcast.com
16:06 The thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own and or for general information only. They are not intended to be recommendations or specific advice for anybody and not a doctor or a licensed therapist. So please consult with your healthcare provider if you had any issues regarding your physical or mental health. Any investment performance that's referenced here is historical and of course has no guarantee of future results. Last but not least, the Easter bunny isn't.