How To Survive A Divorce
In my latest video, "How To Survive A Divorce", I outline strategies and tips to keep your sanity and cope with the divorce process.
FULL TRANSCRIPT: HOW TO SURVIVE A DIVORCE - TIPS FOR COPING WITH YOUR DIVORCE.
Are you trying to figure out how to survive a divorce? Stay tuned and I'll give you three strategies to help you cope with the divorce process and keep your sanity along the way. Coming right up.
Hey there folks, I'm Patrick King, financial planner and host of Transformative Television. Here on this channel we help people who are getting a divorce, who have lost a spouse or a loved one or just plain want to transform their lives for the better. If that's you or someone that you love, give me a call if you need financial help through that process and subscribe to this channel for more of these types of videos.
But hey, in this video I've got three strategies for how to survive your divorce and how to cope with that divorce process if you're going through it. I've also got a checklist of all these strategies with these details on my website please click the link below to get that. So let's get started.
STRATEGY 1: GET HELP
So number one number one is get help. It sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people don't do it in the divorce process. So who you talk to?
Well, number one, I recommend that you contact your social support network: your friends, your family, your loved ones, who know and care about you, the shoulders that you have to lean on as you're going through the divorce and it could be an emotionally grueling process and lonely at times so it's always important to have those people who have your back so you can lean on them when you're going through all that.
So number two, I recommend calling an attorney. Yes, attorneys sound expensive but think about it this way: the decisions that are going to be made through this divorce process are going to affect you perhaps for the rest of your life, especially when you're talking about alimony or child support payments. The financial stakes are big. Consider it an investment and hire a competent attorney.
Number three: hire a financial planner. Obviously, this is what I do and I'm biased towards having someone like this in your corner, but having someone walk you through what exactly alimony means over the long term – what are the value of those alimony payments? And child support payments that you may or may not be required to pay or you might be receiving along the way. Is your Roth IRA worth the same as a 401(k)? This is where it's helpful to have a financial planner assist you and your attorney as you go through this process.
And then finally the last person I think that it's crucial to have on your team is a therapist or a counselor. You know, these friends family and loved ones, as much as they care about you, may not have the tools in their toolkit to be able to deal with some of the extremes of emotion that you're going to go through in this process. Having a counselor or therapist, I think involved is absolutely required.
So look out for the videos that I have on finding these people coming up soon. So that's number one: Get Help.
STRATEGY 2: PRACTICE SELF-CARE
So strategy number two is practice self-care. Sounds obvious right? But what the heck that mean? I think for me it starts with fundamentals. Number one being sleep. If you're not getting enough sleep you're exhausted. You can't deal with the mental issues that come up day-to-day when you're having to make these decisions. And you're less equipped to deal with the emotional ups and downs that you're going through with this process. Sleep is crucial.
So, item two in self-care is diet nutrition. Be sure and eat right! Don't get a bunch of chicken fingers and pizza and a bunch of crap during this process! Eat plenty of veg. Whatever works for you, whether it's paleo or Whole 30 or Atkins or whatever. Stick to it. Drink plenty of water while you're going through this process. It will serve you.
Number three in self-care is exercise! Get out and move a little bit. Whether it's just taking a walk, or whether your things is just hitting the gym, do it. Be sure and do something. Move, let's say, at least three times a week, if not more. If you could get out for a short walk every day, man that really changes things. For me personally, getting out and taking my dog for a walk every morning was just therapeutic in and of itself. Getting around and moving is, I think, crucial to self-care.
So, what's next in self-care? Avoid the crap! We always already kind of talked about the food aspect of this, but self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, social media shopping. Any of those things that are distractions to you, be careful about it. I'm not saying you have to be a tee-totaler. Lord knows, I wasn't. But just temper that. Remember these things aren't going to serve you. They can help take the pain away for a short amount of time, but you know what? Guess what? Your problems are still going to be there tomorrow even if you try to self-medicate them away.
And then finally, what I would recommend is instituting a daily routine. So for me, what a daily routine looks like involves drinking water, it involves meditating. So, I recommend meditation or prayer for, let's call it 10 minutes, in the morning and then I also have a gratitude practice that helps me. For me, when I think about all the things in my life that I'm grateful for, it puts things in perspective. It makes me realize how much that I really have, how truly lucky we really all are if you focus on those things that that we have that are positive in our lives. So that's number two: practice self-care.
STRATEGY THREE: GET YOUR MIND RIGHT
All right! So, strategy number three: get your mind right! And what I mean by that is, if you get your mental energy pointed in a certain direction through the divorce process, it'll make it go a lot easier. You know number one, I would think, is just know that you're going to be okay. Your life is going to be different but this isn't going to kill you. Remember you're going to be okay, accept that life is different, but just know you're alright.
Number two, you know, while you are going to be alright, you're going to be uncomfortable. So get comfortable being uncomfortable. You know, I mentioned yoga a minute ago. Yoga I think is a great practice when you're going through a divorce because, quite frankly, some of those yoga poses are freaking uncomfortable! And if you can just settle in and just be okay with being uncomfortable - be present with it – that will help you through some of the ups and downs as well.
Let yourself mourn and grieve the loss of the relationship that you've got. In this process it's hard just allow yourself to be sad about it. Maybe don't dwell on it, but just acknowledge it. Just be okay with being sad because it sucks! If someone tries to kind of gloss over it and paint a happy picture for you, they're trying to work in your best interests, but it does suck. Just acknowledge it. Grieve. Grieve. It's okay.
And then finally, dream about what you want your new life to be. Yes, things are going to change. Things are going to be different. You may not be happy about it, but this is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to create a new life. To do the things that you never got a chance to do. So think about, what are those things? What does divorced you look like? What does divorced you do on the weekends? Where does divorce you go for a vacation? Think about that stuff. It's nice to have something to look forward to.
So that's it folks! That's my three strategies for how to survive a divorce. If you've gone through this process and there's something that's worked for you, please post a comment below. We'd love to know what exactly helped you through this process. I’ve got the downloadable checklist of all these strategies and all the details on my website. Click the link below to get that. And thanks for watching! Until next time, I'm Patrick King with Transformative Television. See you soon. Cheers.